I am not feeling particularly sleep deprived, but in the last 24 hours I have fallen asleep while pumping, while breastfeeding, and tonight I even sat on the toilet and promptly fell asleep. I don't think I was out long, but that was definitely a new experience for me. MrH thinks that I am expecting too much of myself and I am starting to agree.
Let's see what perfectionism will lead one to do (in other words, optional energy drainers):
-using cloth diapers and insisting on line drying everything because it is summer and it seems silly to use the dryer (I just love the smell and the starched feeling)
-making bread from scratch EVERY TIME (and I mean milling my own grain, sifting it, and even fermenting sourdough). Delicious, but c'mon!
-ditto for making every meal from scratch. Even the yogourt. And the cookies.
-planting and watering entire garden complete with tomatoes, potatoes, herbs, celery, beans, etc
-pumping on top of breastfeeding so that I can go swimming and leave some breast milk behind just in case
-dieting (takes energy to motivate myself, especially when I am constantly hungry and losing so very little each time)
-sorting out ten big boxes of my own clothes, Emma's clothes, baby clothes into ages, washing, etc.
-getting back into jogging my usual 3 miles four times a week or so (I am at 2.5 miles now consistently and it is getting easier)
-juicing every day (celery, kale, cucumber, carrots, parsley-green juices for the adults, and green apples for Emma with some vegetables hidden in there for good measure)
-the training for swimming the 1 km in the triathlon.
Speaking of the swimming, there are training sessions that have started in January. They happen at 6:30 am twice a week, and they are quite seriously brutal. I have decided to go for it, even though everybody in the group has been already training for four months, and they are very, very fit.
Well, at least the last person in the group can now feel better about not being the last one anymore. After my session on wednesday I am happy to report that I did not drown. That was all I was hoping for. Mission accomplished. If everybody including the instructor wondered what I was doing there, they kept it to themselves really well.
The problem with being slow when you swim is that you never get to rest. Say if you are doing sets of 50 m on 1 min (we were using fins), then every minute you are starting another set, so if you are slow, you don't get the 20 second rest that the fast people get. You just barely arrive at the wall, and it is time to go again.
On the plus side, training in a group is very motivational, and last year I stuck with it, improving both my time and my form tremendously. (By form, I don't mean my thighs decreased in size unfortunately). I am considering ordering a breastfeeding suit somewhere, since I might need to bring Daniel to the pool sometimes, and I love breastfeeding clothes this time around for their ability to allow for more modesty than simply pulling the breasts out upwards through the neck scoop.
Today Daniel is going for his 2 month vaccinations. I am not as stressed out as I was with Emma about the event, and because my little man has gone through so much more than this, I am not even worried about a bad reaction or fever. He just seems to be lucky and resilient, so I am counting on that to get us through pretty much anything. My little man is so sweet, waking up often now and looking around, checking me out, his little eyes crossing in the middle when he is trying to focus on my face. I love him so much!